Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
