Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
