I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
