just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
