wakey wakey hands off snakey
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
