Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
