I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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