I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
