am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
