i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
