My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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