either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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