I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
