Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
