Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
