I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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