My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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