May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
