Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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