You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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