I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Green mimosas i think yes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
