I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
