A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
