I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
