This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
