My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I currently don't understand fingers.
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