she told me i tasted like america
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
