my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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