There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
