my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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