youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
