I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
