and you said cock pushups were impossible
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
