i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
