I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
