Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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