i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
