For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
