My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am one with the molecules
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
