is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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