So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
