Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
