no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
