I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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