I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
