Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
