you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
