Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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