hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
