If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm too high and old for this...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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