hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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